Just 'Cause

by Elizabeth Smart

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released February 7, 2013

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Elizabeth Smart Richmond, Virginia

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Track Name: The Castiel Song
you’re sitting in a barn as you await the big surprise
you want to find the monster that burned out that woman’s eyes
you’ve got your holy water and some salt rounds and a knife
but nothing seems to work on whatever brought you back to life

you ask “what are you” to learn his name and figure out his mission
he says, “I’m the one that gripped you tight and raised you from perdition”

his name is castiel
he pulled you out of hell
in time he will rebel
he’s an angel of the lord

he’s got a dirty trench coat and a tie that’s never straight
you wonder why you kinda like this guy that you’re supposed to hate
‘cause he says he’s not a hammer, he’s got doubts and he’s got fears
and you think he might be the best friend that you have had in years

the angels say to torture, and you say you can’t go through this
he says “i would give anything not to have you do this”

his name is castiel
he pulled you out of hell
by now you know him well
he’s an angel of the lord

you try to give him your best speech
but heaven’s got him on a leash
you turn your back and say you’re done
but then he goes and does you right
he’ll help you save the world tonight
because he knows that you’re the one

his name is castiel
he pulled you out of hell
and you are why he fell
he’s an angel of the lord
Track Name: How To Speak Winchester
We gotta talk, Dean;
don’t walk away.
You’ve only a few months left,
and there are things I gotta say.

I know you’re scared, Dean,
and that’s okay.
But pretending that you’re fine
won’t keep the hell hounds at bay.

So you gotta drop the act, just drop this show.
You gotta teach me every little thing you know.
Cause I gotta fight this war alone once you go.
And I need for you to do this, cause deep down you know.

It’s ‘cause we’re brothers.
You’re Dean, I’m Sam.
It’s ‘cause I rely on you these days
to show me who I am.

It’s ‘cause I’ve got your back,
and you’ve got mine.
It’s ‘cause I know you’re lying
when you tell me that you’re fine.
‘Cause you’re there for me the way Dad never was.
So if you wanna know why,
It’s ‘cause, just ‘cause.

We’re not just vessels for them to use.
Whatever we’ve got between us is what they want to abuse.
But we are stronger, yes we can choose.
And I need you here with me because it’s you I can’t lose.

So let’s prove to them we’re stronger than we’ve shown.
Cause I’d rather be together than alone.
I believe in you now that we’re all grown.
Cause at the end of the day, I think I’ve always know.

It’s ‘cause we’re brothers.
You’re Sam, I’m Dean.
It’s ‘cause when I call you a bitch you know just what I mean.
It’s ‘cause we’re family, deeper than bone.
It’s ‘cause wherever you are is where I’m most at home.
‘Cause you look up to me the way no one else does.
So if you ask me why,
It’s ‘cause, just ‘cause.

So you just dropped in out of the sky.
I don’t care if you were desperate, that’s no reason to lie.
You’re a frickin’ child, Cas.
Do you know why?
I was always there to help you all you had to do was try.

So you gotta put an end to all this demon play.
‘Cause we can fix it, man, we’ll find a way.
And I know I should have told you every day.
And it might be too late, but still I have to say.

It’s ‘cause we’re brothers.
I’m Dean, you’re Cas.
It’s my responsibility to kick you in the ass.
It’s ‘cause you always come when I call.
It’s ‘cause I’d catch you if you’re ever to fall.
So whatever this deal with Crowley was,
I’m asking you to stop now,
‘Cause, just ‘cause.

It’s ‘cause we’re brothers, until the end.
No matter what’s up ahead, know you were always my friend.
It’s ‘cause you always come back to me.
I may not believe much in God, but I believe in family.
And you might say it doesn’t matter, but it does.
‘Cause when I wanna say I love you,
I say ‘cause, just ‘cause.
Track Name: Your Own Worst Nightmare
well, hey, way to go dean, you guessed it
your worst nightmare is me
‘cause I know how you look into the mirror
and hate everything you see

do you have original thoughts, dean?
or do you just want to be like your dad?
‘cause you can wear his clothes and you can listen to his music
but you’ll never have his love like sammy had

so what are you gonna do, dean? you gonna cry about it?
I guess you’ll go to hell for your mistakes
and now you know how demons are made there
and it won’t take long for you to break

I know my brother’s fighting somewhere out there
and it is so hard to admit that I’m scared
it’s been so easy to pretend I don’t care
but what do you do when you’re your own worst nightmare?

can’t raise your fingers and snap me away dean
you’re stuck in here, you’ll find
and you’re too stupid to get a way out now,
‘cause you’re trapped in your own mind

you’ll always be daddy’s blunt little instrument
a shield and nothing more
it’s a good thing you sold your soul to save your little brother
‘cause without sam, what the hell are you good for?

so what are you gonna do, dean? you gonna cry about it?
you know that every word I say is true
you don’t care if you live or if you die, now
your own father didn’t care, so why should you?

I know my brother’s fighting somewhere out there
and it is so hard to admit that I’m scared
it’s been so easy to pretend I don’t care
but what do you do when you’re your own worst nightmare?

my father was an obsessed bastard
I didn’t deserve what he put on me
all that crap about protecting sam
when he’s the one who couldn’t save his family

I don’t deserve to die, I don’t deserve hell
you say I don’t matter but I do because
my dad’s the one who was never there for sam
and I, I always was

and I know my brother’s fighting somewhere out there
and it is so hard to admit that I’m scared
it’s been so easy to pretend I don’t care
but what do you do when you’re your own worst nightmare?
Track Name: Everybody Leaves
I may be older but you know that I look up to you
‘cause you got out, you got away, did what I couldn’t do
so now you’ve got this brand new life, no end to what you’ll be
I’m just the freak come ‘round again
no wonder you left me

‘Cause everybody leaves
that’s just the way, that’s just the way the wind blows
Everybody leaves
that’s just the way, that’s just the way my life goes
I’ll crack a joke and fake a smile
and roll up my sleeves
this life’s just a little bit harder when everybody leaves

I’ve got a secret I must keep, he’d hate me if he knew
our friends are dead, we’re on the run, don’t know what else to do
get in the car and drive away, we ain’t got time to grieve
‘cause Sam is feeling good so there’s no telling when he’ll leave

‘Cause everybody leaves
that’s just the way, that’s just the way the wind blows
Everybody leaves
that’s just the way, that’s just the way my life goes
Sometimes it feels like me and Death are as thick as thieves
sometimes he takes the best himself
but everybody leaves

Sometimes at night when I can’t sleep I see my mother’s face
my father died to save my life, should have gone in his place
then it was Ellen, Ash, and Jo, poor Adam’s still in Hell
Pam, Andy, Lisa, Ben, Rufus Turner, Castiel

‘Cause everybody leaves
that’s just the way, that’s just the way the wind blows
Everybody leaves
that’s just the way, that’s just the way my life goes
you can say I’m wrong, it ain’t my fault, for all the good it achieves
I let down everyone I love, so everybody leaves

‘Cause everybody leaves
that’s just the way, that’s just the way the wind blows
Everybody leaves
that’s just the way, that’s just the way my life goes
so I’ll take a drink and grab my gun and roll down my sleeves
it’s autumn now, the air is cold
and everybody leaves
Track Name: Mistakes
please keep your opinions to yourself
put your hero complex on the shelf
one look from you and I will surely break
there’s only so judgment I can take

and it’s too late to go back now
I’ve lost my faith and how
else can we win this war?
after all, isn’t free will what we’re fighting for?

you’re the one who raised me, helped me learn
but I crossed a bridge and now it starts to burn
I didn’t ask permission, I should have tried
I fell to better offers and to pride

and it’s too late to go back now
I’ve lost my family, how
else can I win this war?
after all, isn’t free will what we’re fighting for?

these words are empty vessels, that I know
but you hurt me more than I could ever show
you think that I’m a monster, and that’s true
I did it for the world, did it for you

and it’s too late to go back now
I’ve lost you and how
else can we win this war?
after all, isn’t free will what we’re fighting for?
Track Name: I'm Okay
I’ve got a wall broken down in my head
I’ve got Lucifer spooning me in my bed
and for a living I kill things that are already dead
but that’s my life, that’s my life

and I went down this road despite the warning signs
the road so far paved with fire and salt lines
and I tried my very best to stop the end of times
but that’s my life, that’s my life

but I’m okay as long as I’ve got family
I’m okay as long as I don’t remember what I had
I’m okay if I don’t think about what I’ve lost
like Mom and Jess and Dad

but I’m okay, I’m fine, I swear I’m okay
I’m okay, I’m all right, I mean, I’m really okay
I know I’ve seen some things that’d make a sinner pray
but it’s fine, it’s my life, it’s my life
I’m okay.

And I was raised on the trigger of a gun
taught to do my job, cut my ties, and run
but I know I could have been a more grateful son
but it’s my life, it’s my life

and I lost so much during that bloody war
even now I can’t stand the fighting anymore
but other people’ve got it worse
so what am I crying for?
it’s my life, it’s my life

but I’m okay as long as Dean is smiling
I’m okay as long as Dean knows where to go
I’m okay if I forget that it’s my fault
that we lost Pam and Ellen and Jo

but I’m okay, I’m fine, I swear I’m okay
I’m okay, I’m all right, I mean, I’m really okay
I know these aren’t the sort of things you can just wish away
but it’s fine, it’s my life, it’s my life
I’m okay.

I know my gourd is cracked but I feel the same
the world is ending, I’m the one to blame
and I can’t tell what’s real and what’s the devil’s game
but it’s my life, it’s my life
and I know there’s people who are worried for me
but the most important thing is having family
and I’ve still got Dean and Cas and Bobby…
well I’ve still got Dean and Bobby…
well I’ve still got Dean
and I’ll always have Dean
but I’m okay, I’m fine, I swear I’m okay
I’m okay, I’m all right, I mean, I’m really okay
I know today might seem like a really bad day
but it’s fine, it’s my life, it’s my life
I’m okay.
Track Name: Don't Be Dead
when I first met you oh a star was in your eye
darker than a highway road and lonesome like the sky
I couldn’t read your face but I swore that you had doubt
you burrowed deep in me I couldn’t keep you out
and now it rains all day and turns my thoughts to rust
without you here with me I don’t know who to trust
and I wasn’t going to beg you, but I must
don’t be dead, please, don’t be dead

you travel with me, you’re the bag I can’t unpack
it’s full of words I know I said and can’t take back
and I don’t believe it even standing by your grave
cause you were wrong, you’re not a fake, you can be saved

so I lie away at night and wonder where you are
floating in the ocean deep or sitting on a star
cause your coat is in the backseat of my car
don’t be dead, please, don’t be dead

I couldn’t stop your fall, couldn’t keep you from the lake,
I still regret every last chance I didn’t take
I know I said some things,I swore I was still mad
but you remain the greatest friend I’ve ever had

and I’m so lost without you it’s such a sight to see
they say I’m imbalanced, they say I’m wobbly
so please, just one more miracle for me
don’t be dead please don’t be dead
don’t be dead please don’t be dead
Track Name: The Love Song of Alan J. Corbett
I thought that I was teaching you
but all this time you were teaching me
once I was a lone wolf
but you have changed what I used to be
you might have been an intern
but you’re full time in my heart
and nothing’s been the same since
the day we broke apart

and I’ll never forgive myself for not keeping you close
it’s my fault that you’re gone, that I had to face your ghost

so I hope and pray that you still love me
that one day we’ll be together and drink french vanilla coffee
and I’d rip up every floorboard to find you
‘cause I love you, I honestly do

and I still remember every sight and sound
you never said a bad word against anyone, you never backed down
and I owe you such an apology
you meant a lot to the team but you meant so much more to me

and I am still so angry that I never realized
when I met you at that outlet mall, I should have seen it in your eyes

so I hope and pray that you still love me
that one day we’ll be together and drink french vanilla coffee
and lines of salt can’t keep me away from you
‘cause I love you, I honestly do

and I have learned war changes man
re-examined what I thought
‘cause you stayed in the kitchen when the kitchen got too hot
and if there is just one lesson from this I have to say
it’s that our love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day

so I hope and pray that you still love me
that one day we’ll be together and drink french vanilla coffee
and Alan Corbett this song is for you
‘cause I love you, I do
I love you, I do
I love you, I honestly do
Track Name: I'd Rather Have You
This year’s been tough, it’s good to see your face again
the water’s been rough and blackened by Leviathan
if you remember, you know you did the best you could
it’s not too late to fix the things that you still should

and if you need reminding who you are
I’ve got your coat, it’s right here in my car
dumb to keep, I know
but I couldn’t let you go
I never stopped wanting to fix it, now you know

‘cause I’d rather have you, by my side
I’d rather have you along for the ride
‘cause we’re almost out of outs now,
and you are all we’ve got
so I’d rather have you, cursed or not

it’s time to end this war, send the monsters back to bed
I need a fighter, but got a lover here instead
life ain’t a game, you can’t just play you’re sorry
you don’t have to fight, but will you please just stand by me

doesn’t matter what you lost, what you still lack
part of me always believed that you’d come back
if you’re cursed, well I am too,
it doesn’t matter if it’s true
I mean, come on, do I look like good luck to you?

and I’d rather have you, by my side
I’d rather have you along for the ride
‘cause it’s the bottom of the ninth now,
and you are all I’ve got
so I’d rather have you, cursed or not

you may be lost inside your mind
and I can’t leave the past behind
but that don’t mean I can’t forgive
‘cause you are still my best friend
we’ll fix the cracks that we can mend
and give us all a chance to live

‘cause I’d rather have you, by my side
I’d rather have you along for the ride
‘cause the game is almost over
and you’re the only chance we’ve got
so I’d rather have you, cursed or not
Track Name: Come To Bed
I see in your smile that your teeth they are cracking
I hear in your laugh all the weight that it’s lacking
feel in the crease of your shoulder
the winter grows older and I
I taste in your breath that is bitter as blood
smell the dirt of your soul that’s been dragged through the mud
you are dark and you’re moody
but I see your beauty and I

I will take you to my bed
darling, rest your weary head
bury deep beneath the covers
ever lovely, ever lover
you will always have these words
that I have said
come to bed my love
come to bed

I smooth back your hair and the lines of your face
press my hands on scars I cannot erase
melt the ice from your fingers
the pain that still lingers
and I

with clean and warm water I will wash your feet
I will tell you I love you on broken repeat
I’ll remind you to smile
we won’t talk for a while
and I

I will take you to my bed
close your eyes and breathe instead
bury deep beneath the sadness
ever anger, ever gladness
you will always have my body
and my bread
come to bed my love
come to bed

I see in your eyes that are solid as stone
I know that you think you are better alone
but the winter grows colder
we’re both getting older and I

I’ll be your story, a fish and a star,
light the pathway for when you forget who you are
let my love remind you
I’m here safe beside you and I

I will take you to my bed
baby, rest your wayward head
stay here with me til whenever
stay together, yours forever
it is here beneath the blanket we are wed
and you’ll always have these words that I have said
come to bed my love
come to bed
Track Name: Mary's Lullaby
Go to sleep now baby boy
and have the most amazing dreams
don’t be afraid of the darkness
the darkness isn’t what it seems

and you will sing yourself awake
and you and I will start the day
you’ll tell me stories as we walk
about the man you want to be someday

so baby listen to your mother
keep your nose clean and take good care of your brother
and if you need me, just know that this is true
angels are watching over you

baby boy I know you’re tired
just lay your head down here to rest
of all of the loves I ever had
you and your brother were my best

and I look down on you now
so sweet and funny, loud and brave
I know that you will never stop
because there’s always lives to save

so baby listen to your mother
keep your gun clean and take good care of your brother
and if you feel the world is ending no matter what you do, just know
angels are watching over you

oh baby boy you’re finally home
I dreamt for so long of this day
to finally hold you in my arms
and know that you are here to stay

and now we’re all here safe and sound
just the way the world should be
and every friend who kept you safe
now we are all a family

so baby listen to your mother
come stand beside me, with your father and your brother
and bring that angel, with the coat and the eyes of blue
I want to thank him
he’s the angel who watched over you
Track Name: Bluebird
I drink too much when the rain falls down
hard to say no to that whiskey drown
and when I sleep I just hear your voice
why did you choose me when you had no choice

and I will love you bluebird in the dusk when the sun goes down
and I will love you bluebird in the morning when the stars all drown
and I will love you bluebird every hour of every day
I will love you bluebird til we all fade away

and I feel cold in my warmest clothing
hard to say no to good old self-loathing
and when I dream it is just your hands
why did you let go? why can’t I understand you?

and I will love you bluebird in the dusk when the sun goes down
I will love you bluebird in the morning when the stars all drown
and I will love you bluebird every hour of every day
I will love you bluebird til we all fade away

it all went wrong just when I got it right
it’s hard to let go, I still pray every night
wonder if you’re hurt, wonder if they bleed you
I wasn’t lying when I told you I need you

and I will love you bluebird in the dusk when the sun goes down
I will love you bluebird every morning when the stars all drown
and I will love you bluebird every second minute hour day week month year
I still love you bluebird
why are you not here
bluebird bluebird singing in the tree
spread your wings, come home to me bluebird
Track Name: My Friend
tell me what do you remember
tell me the story that you know
did you tell yourself that I was weak
did you think that I let go?

that place became my penance
I chose to stay behind
I couldn’t figure out how to tell you
I thought that this would be more kind

‘cause I have seen inside you since the day that we first met
I know how you hold on so tight to things you should forget
and you lay down defenses easy as a line of salt
but you can’t blame yourself for this— this was not your fault

‘cause you can’t save everyone, listen to me
you can’t save everyone, it’s true you see
you can’t save everyone, it’s not your responsibility
I know your tendency to protect and pretend
but you can’t save everyone my friend

I don’t know what you want to hear, Dean
I don’t know what you’d have me do
I may have caused some suffering on Earth
but I destroyed the home I knew

this isn’t something you can fix, Dean
there is no monster here to kill
only the remnants of what I have done
only my fault, only my will

I don’t know what you are afraid of, or why you feel you have to know
will you listen if I beg you, do you hear me saying no?
and if you want the answers, you’ll have to ask somebody else
if I go back to Heaven now, I’m afraid I’ll kill myself

‘cause you can’t save everyone, listen to me
you can’t save everyone, it’s true you see
you can’t save everyone, it’s not your responsibility
I know this isn’t what you would intend
but you can’t save everyone my friend

‘cause you can’t save everyone, listen to me
you can’t save everyone, it’s true you see
you can’t save everyone, it’s not your responsibility
I will try to stand beside you til the enda
but you can’t save everyone my friend
Track Name: Forget Me
I’m sorry if you’re waiting in that motel room all alone
I’m sorry you have to go back to the place that was supposed to be our home
this doesn’t make any sense i know but you have to understand
the men you fell in love with a year ago
amelia, i am a completely different man

forget me, forget me, it’s the end of the line
forget me, forget me, forget you were mine
i can’t keep pretending it’s not meant to be
so please please forget me
forget what i told you, forget what it means
cause i’ve gotta choose family, gotta be there for dean
so take me out with the trash and wipe your memory clean
it’ll be easy, you’ll see to forget me

i’m sorry I can’t make it not tomorrow not today
brother i wish that i could help you
but if i’m gonna make it work i’ve got to stay away
i wouldn’t be up here without you; you know you always have my trust
don’t make me hear from someone else about you, sorry this is the end of us

forget me, forget me, it’s the end of the line
forget me, forget me, i’m sure you’ll be fine
i can’t split my life, can’t be caught in between
so please please forget me
i’m sorry it seems like i don’t give a damn
but i’ve got to choose hunting gotta be there for sam
so forget that you knew me, forget who i am
it’ll be easy you’ll see to forget me

forget me, forget me
forget what we’ve been through
forget all the choices that brought me to you
I can’t make this better, I can’t be redeemed
so please please forget me
i can’t run away now
doesn’t help to pretend
but i can’t last much longer, i’m too close to the end
and it isn’t your fault you can’t save me my friend
but it’ll be easy you’ll see to forget me